Everybody Hates Toad
by Miz-KTakase
Summary: "Sorry, but your princess is in another castle!" Is everyone sick of that phrase? Well, after 8 worlds, Mario the plumber hero lashes out on Toad, who tells our rotund hero of Princess Peach's recent whereabouts. But who cares? Mario finally snaps and tells the truth about our fungi man. And it isn't pretty. Rated M for foul language and violence. Read at your own risk!


Mario, a plumber with a black mustache, wearing blue overalls, a red shirt, and a red hat, was fighting Bowser, a huge orange turtle monster with a green spiky shell, red hair, and orange scales. Mario dodged Bowser's fiery blasts, running across the stone bridge, with a shining axe at the end. Mario dodged Bowser's huge stomp, and grabbed the axe. The bridge fell apart, as Bowser dropped into a huge pool of lava. Mario posed, as he smiled, "MARIO #1! Woo-Hoo!

Mario reached the end of the castle, as Toad, a small mushroom man with a white hat and red spots, in a blue vest, said, "Thank you, Mario. But your Princess is in another castle."

Mario smiled, "Okey-dokey."

Mario left, as he went to World 2. Toad left, as he pranced away. However, that was the turn for the worst.

* * *

Mario defeated Bowser in World 2's castle, as he saw Toad. He said, "Sorry, but your Princess is in another castle."

Mario nodded, "Okey-dokey~!"

He walked off, as he turned to Toad and nodded, "Mario get you next time."

He then left, as Toad was nervous. He thought, "Phew! And here I thought he'd go ballistic at me."

* * *

Mario arrived at World 3's castle, and defeated the evil Koopa King. He arrived at the end, and he growled, "ERGH!"

Toad said, "Sorry, but your Princess is-!"

Mario barked, "WAIT A MINUTE! But you-a said it, like two castles ago!"

Toad replied, "Well, what did you expect? You traverse through 3 stages, and Bowser moves the Princess to another location. Do you even get bored by it?"

Mario said, "WHOA! _Three_ stages?! No wonder! Should I move on in a warp pipe?"

Toad asked, "Why shouldn't you find a Warp Zone? There was one in World 1-2!"

Mario said, "Yeah… I kinda-a missed it. But, Mama Mia! Warp Zones? My goodness."

He walked off, but then said, "YOU! You squeaky Toad! The Princess BETTER NOT be relocated to another castle! Or else!"

Toad said, "I promise. She'll be there."

Mario left, as Toad winced, "I hope…"

* * *

Mario arrived at the end of World 4, as he spotted Toad, again. Mario cried, "AW, COME ON!"

Toad smiled, "Thank you, Mario! But our Princess is-!"

Mario halted him and said, "NO! Shut up! No, wait a minute. This is World 4, and already I have to suffer with Lakitus and Spinies, and I ended up with-a this?!"

Toad replied, "Well, no one said it was easy!"

Mario replied, as he was annoyed, "Okay. How many more times?"

Toad smiled, "I promise… This is going to be the one."

Mario snarled, "You-a better, because I'm-a gonna be one-a angry Italian plumber, who doesn't get the Princess!"

Toad whimpered, "I'm sorry, Mario…"

Mario walked off, as he called out, "DON'T FORGET IT, YOU STUPID TOAD!"

Toad was in trouble, as Mario left to World 5.

But so on and so on, Mario ends up with the same Toad he runs into.

Mario arrives at World 5, as Toad was sitting in the corner. Mario cried, "OH! COME ON!"

Toad sighed, "I'm sorry, Mario… but the Princess is-."

 **WHACK!  
** Mario smacks Toad in the face, sending him crashing into a stone wall. Mario grabbed his collar and yelled, "YOU SON OF A-!"

Toad pleads, "Just-! Just keep traversing! The Princess is there, I promise! PLEASE DON'T HURT ME!"

Mario put Toad down and said, "You better…" He walked away, as the Toad was crying in sadness and fear.

 **XXXXX**

Mario appeared in World 6's castle, and after defeating Bowser, he saw Toad, yet again. Only this time, he was hiding in the curtains. Mario asked, "Let-a me guess… She's-a in another castle?"

Toad sniffled, "Yes…"

Mario said, "Alright. You got lucky."

He walked off to World 7, as Toad smiled in relief. However, he was struck by a fireball from Mario, and was engulfed in flames.

 **XXXXX**

Mario arrived at World 7's castle, as he was furious. He then yelled at the Toad, "OKAY! StOP! ENOUGH OF THIS SHIT! I am so sick and a-tired of entering each castle, running into a stupid dick, like-a you!"

Toad sobbed, "I'm sorry… but that's the way it is!"

Mario growled, "Look, I have to put up-a this crap, day after day! Why, a loser gamer can beat this game in an hour!"

"Actually, five minutes… four minutes and 57 seconds…"

Mario grabbed Toad's neck and yelled, "I a-didn't ask you to talk! I'm-a so fucking sick of having to put up with this! I a-hate you already!"

"I can't help it! Bowser turned my people into blocks, in which YOU destroy! You're the devil here! NOT ME!"

"Do you think I give-a a shit, about your family? NO ONE fucks Super Mario!"

Toad pleaded, "NO, wait… I promise… I promise, as long as Luigi doesn't get to it, first… Promise me… Do not kill me… but the Princess is in the final castle. There are 8 worlds, and I wanted to keep this a secret, but she's over there!"

"Well, why didn't you say ANYTHING?"

"HELLO! WARP PIPES! You should've found the Warp Zones, but pardon my language, Mr. Fat Asshole! You wanted to play the _humane_ way, by traversing through ALL the worlds! You know what, I hope you die in the final battle!"

Mario let go of Toad and said, "Alright-a, you little shit… If the Princess is there, maybe I will give-a you a second chance… BUT!"

He walked off and said, "This is the LAST chance, Toad! Now, if-a you don't mind, I have a Princess to save."

He headed off to World 8, as Toad smiled, "Thank goodness… At least it'll be over."

He got a phone call from another Toad, as he was shocked to learn the bad news. He panicked, as he said, "Oh, no… Please, god, oh, god, please no!"

* * *

Mario entered the final battle and dunked Bowser to his lava death. Mario arrived at the end of the castle and said, "PRINCESS~! Ah, the princess…"

But to his surprise, it was Toad. Mario roared, as he was fuming, "MAMA F*CKER! THAT-A DOES IT!"

Toad pleaded, "WAIT! I can explain, but there's bad news!"

Mario growled, "I'm-a listening…"

Toad explained, "Yes, this is the final castle… but the Princess… she didn't make it…"

Mario asked, "She-a didn't make it? Did she escape?"

Toad replied, "Well, no. But she did leave you a message…"

Toad held up a note from Peach, as he said aloud, " _Dear Mario, if you're reading this, you saved me. But now you must move on to another quest. Press B to continue._ "

Mario was annoyed, as he seethed, "Another… quest?"

He yelled, "ANOTHER FUCKING QUEST?"

Mario lunged at Toad, as Toad pleaded, "IT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE EASY!"

Mario barked, "How dare you lie to me, you squeaky piece of-a shit! NO ONE FUCKS SUPER MARIO, BITCH!"

Mario started to pummel Toad with his punches, as Toad cried, "WAIT! MARIO, NO! NO, STOP!"

Mario yelled, "You ain't-a going anywhere, you piece of shit! This is why nobody likes you, because you're an annoying asshole!"

He landed each punch and barked, "THAT'S a-for killing my Yoshi! THAT'S a-for letting Luigi star in his own game ( _Mario is Missing_ doesn't count)! THAT'S a-for _Hotel Mario_! THAT'S a-for me losing to Sonic! WHAT THE FUCK IS A SONIC? THAT'S a-for the Year of Luigi! THAT'S a-for the Nintendo Wii U sales! I blame-a you! THAT'S a-for taking my spaghetti! THAT'S a-for _Super Mario Brothers Super Show_! THAT'S a-for Captain Toad's Treasure Tracker! Wario does it a-better than you! AND! THAT! IS! FOR-A! EVERY! THING! YOU! HAVE! MADE! ME! ENDURE! FOR! SEVENTEEN! WHOLE! HOURS! YOU! MUSHROOM! BASTARD!"

He stopped, as Toad was in pain. He pleaded, as he was badly hurt, "M-M-M-M-M-Mario… There was a perfect logical reason why I came… here…"

He wept, "THE PRINCESS HAS BEEN CAPTURED!"

Mario sighed, as he said, "Ohhhhhhh, I see. _Princess Peach has been captured._ By Bowser?"

Toad said, "No… But-."

Mario shushed him and said, "No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no… Shh, shh, shh… Lemme stop you right there…"

He explained, "So, tell-a me, Toad. How does it feel?"

Toad asked, "Huh? What? How does it feel to what?"

Mario explained, "How does it feel to FUCK ME?"

"WHAT?"

Mario yelled at Toad, as he was livid beyond belief, "You FUCKED ME HARD! How did it feel, when you fucked me? Now, I have all the Koopa shit in my hands, blood on my hands, and it's on your fucking head! I have to travel _eight fucking worlds,_ just to run into you, and now that the Princess is captured, again, I have to go on another quest. A HARDER quest, almost as hard, when you FUCKED ME! And you can take my spaghetti, because you want to see me starve, you can take that, too, because that's mine! And, what is this, a Nintendo NX for me, that Toad keeps, forever, for no good reason? MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS TO ME, because that is MY NX! I didn't know that is what I fucking wanted on my fucking Santa Claus's list! I OWN EVERY FUCKING THING YOU OWN! Mend my broken heart, because I'm fucked!"

Toad sobbed, "What are you talking about?"

Mario yelled, "YOU FUCKED ME! Because, you said that the Princess was in this castle! And she _isn't_ here! That's why!"

He calmly said, "You fucked me. You fucked me really hard."

He barked and complained, "I told you what would happen, when you fucked me, once too many-a times! I had it all prepared, by repossessing your Toad Houses, having Toadette deported, and to sue Princess Peach, wherever the FUCK SHE IS, for slander and false accusations! So, you can take that, too! And I have a pool full of pizza, back home, with Luigi and Yoshi… I DIDN'T KNOW I WANTED _YOUR_ POOL, EITHER, BECAUSE IT'S-A FULL OF MUSHROOMS AND 1-UPS! I must be Scrooge Mc-Fucking-Duck, because I am swimming in your fucking pool! You fucked me! You fucked me!"

Toad cried, "HEY! I didn't try to fuck you! Princess Peach really WAS kidnapped!"

Mario roared, "NO, SHE'S NOT! You're doing this to fuck me! You want me to be fucked!"

Toad complained, "You can't do that! If that is how you feel, I get to take ALL your spaghetti and Italian Pasta foods!"

Mario kicked him in the groin and barked, "No, the fuck you're not! No, the fuck you're not!"

He barked, as Toad was on the ground, "So, I wanna fucking know! How does it feel, for the _12,862,439,735th_ time, when you fucked me, and all of my friends in the Mushroom Kingdom! Me, Donkey Kong, Luigi, his brothers, _Gay Luigi_ and _Mama Luigi_ , all the Yoshies, Wario, Peach, Daisy, the Delfino Isles citizens, Rosalina, the Koopalings, and EVERYONE ELSE, I'm speaking their behalf, I wanna fucking know one thing: Why did you fuck me? UH-UH! Don't answer that."

He stomped on his head and said, "I'm unclear, because I don't know the answer, because you FUCKED me, you son of a bitch! MY ASSHOLE IS SO BIG, I CAN FIT YOUR FAT HEAD IN IT! You fucked me. You fucked me really hard. What do you have to say for yourself?"

Toad wailed, as he was crying in sadness. He walked off in sadness, bawling heavily. Mario smirked, as he said, "Meh. So, Peach wants to leave me for a NEW Quest? Fuck her. I'm going to find-a Rosalina… or maybe hook up with-a Pauline, like old times."

He jumped off, as Toad was returning to his home, in complete sadness.

 **XXXXX**

Toad walked down the Mushroom Kingdom, in a green grass field and smiling clouds in the sky. However, the clouds turned into scowls and frowns, as they started to rumble thunder, signaling to Toad. Goombas and Koopas laughed and jeered at Toad, as he was limping home, being treated like a joke.

He made it to an underwater stage, swimming off, only to be taunted at by Cheep-Cheeps and Bloopers. They squirted ink at him, as they pestered him, telling him that he's a waste of space.

Hammer Bros even taunt at him, pelting hammers onto his body, while walking in the underground stage. Piranha Plants emerged from the pipes, as they gnawed on Toad, viciously, and spat him out. They blew raspberries at him, as they said that Toad deserves to die.

 **XXXXX**

Toad returned to his home, which was a rundown Toad House, with broken windows and shatter glass. It even has graffiti on it, saying " _Go home, gaywad_ ", and even " _FUCK U, TOAD_ ". Toad opened the door, as it had a _Foreclosure_ notice on the door. He sobbed, as he was on the floor, sleeping under some newspapers. Toad whimpered, as he sobbed, "But… Peach _was_ kidnapped… She was… and she disappeared…"

He was right. Mario blamed Toad for not giving him the Princess, but Toad didn't mention to him that Peach was already kidnapped. And Mario, suffice to say ALL of the Mushroom Kingdom, didn't care. The Toad was a loser. And no one ever believed him, ever again, since he constantly tells Mario that the princess is in another castle.

* * *

Meanwhile, faraway in a huge city, in America, two women, wearing pink and blue maid uniforms, and with shades on, were carrying Princess Peach away, in a huge capsule, stuck in hyper-sleep. They put her in a huge truck and went inside. They drove away, with a sign on the side of the huge truck.

It said: " _Vera & Aurora – Evil Maids for Hire – From "Kidnapping Princesses" to "Making Odd Jobs", all for a cash price_"

Apparently, Toad didn't say who it was, but it seems that these two women, Vera & Aurora, stole Princess Peach. But for what? Perhaps we'll never know.

* * *

 ** _Thanks for reading~!  
OR Thank you so much for to reading my fic~!_**


End file.
